The Broken Duke Page 14

  “What did she do?” Graham asked, his body stiffening as if he already knew. But perhaps he did, he would know the signs better than most, she would wager.

  “She was cruel,” Adelaide said softly. “And I was unhappy and trapped. But she got a head cold a year and a half ago. She was bedridden for almost three weeks, and suddenly I had this tiny taste of freedom again. My maid, Rebecca, who knew how unhappy I was, suggested I sneak out with her and go see a play. It was so wicked, so entirely against character, but I did it.”

  His eyebrows lifted. “Quite a jump from seeing a play to performing on stage at one of the most popular theatres in London.”

  She nodded. “It was. You see, Rebecca had a friend backstage, and suddenly we were there. The actress in one of the supporting roles got violently sick and I looked a bit like her. I got pushed out onto the stage with three lines to say and I-I…” She hesitated even as joy flooded her. “I loved it. When they applauded, it was like someone had…had turned a light on that I didn’t even know existed.”

  “You are very good, Adelaide,” Graham said softly.

  She smiled up at him. “Thank you. It snowballed from there. I was asked to do another part and another. Lydia was born, for I certainly couldn’t perform as Adelaide. Rebecca and I have an elaborate system for my sneaking out and in. Aunt Opal hasn’t suspected…yet.”

  Graham nodded. “Remarkable. But you must think me a great fool, not to have realized you were Lydia.”

  “Do you know how many men in our circles came to my plays?” she asked, sitting up and turning to face him fully. “Even came back to talk to me as you did that first night?”

  “I assume none of them kissed you,” he said, leaning forward to brush his lips back and forth against hers gently. “Nor did they ultimately take you to their bed, as I did.”

  She shivered as he let his fingers drag down the slope of her neck and across her bare breast before he settled his hand back against his muscular thigh.

  “No,” she admitted. “None of them did. But I created a character, Graham. Lydia, who possessed all the confidence I lack as Adelaide. She is bold and unafraid. She dresses differently, she moves differently, not to mention that I wear the spectacles and pull my hair back when I’m Adelaide.”

  “As a shield,” he murmured.

  “You saw exactly what I wished you to see,” she said. “Though I admit that first time you approached me to dance after you kissed Lydia at the theatre, I was petrified you had discovered me. And then I was…a little jealous of myself.” She shifted. The truths were on the table now, but Graham seemed no angrier to hear them now than he was when he’d realized she and Lydia were the same. That gave her some of the boldness she had created in her character. “May I ask you something?”

  He nodded slowly. “You may.”

  “Why…why did you say thank God when you realized Adelaide and Lydia were the same?” she asked.

  He tilted his head. “Don’t you know?”

  “No, or I wouldn’t have asked.” She smiled a little.

  “There’s the Adelaide who so easily puts me in my place,” he said, a chuckle bubbling from his lips and warming her. “I said thank God because I have been torturing myself for weeks now over you and Lydia.”

  She wrinkled her brow. “What could you possibly mean?”

  “Adelaide, I wanted you both. And I had no idea that you were the same person. Here I was, wrecked by a betrayal from one of my closest friends, and yet I was thrown back and forth between two remarkable women, like a complete bastard.”

  She stared at him, eyes widening as his statement sank in. “I don’t understand. You wanted Lydia. Not me.”

  “I think I just proved that statement very wrong, Adelaide,” he said, reaching his hand out to pull her a little closer. “I can do it again if you’d like.”

  “You wanted me because you realized I was Lydia,” she said, wanting to give in to the desire in his stare but still confused by his statement.

  “She who thinks she knows so much really is in the dark,” he said. “You couldn’t be more wrong. I have spent days and days coming to terms with the fact that I want you, Adelaide. I woke up with your name on my lips and your face in my mind. When I touched Lydia, I felt as though I was betraying you. So please trust that I know my own mind. I most definitely want you.”

  Her heart leapt at that statement and the honesty with which it was put. He meant it. He believed it.

  “You must see, though, that I’m not her. I’m not confident or bold or—”

  “Well, that is pure poppycock,” he interrupted. “You have been bold with me many a time in ballrooms and parlors. In fact, I think the real you isn’t exactly the woman who hides behind her spectacles or the lady who walks the boards. I think you are something between the two. All the best parts of both.”

  She blinked for sudden tears stung her eyes at his absolute faith in her. A faith she hadn’t felt for herself…perhaps ever.

  “I was going to tell you,” she whispered. “I was going to tell you the truth.”

  He lifted both eyebrows and actually looked surprised by that confession. “I’m happy to hear it. But why? If I was so blind, why not let me remain so?”

  She shivered. “Because you gave me a piece of your soul that night after Sir Archibald attacked me. I couldn’t sit by and keep it without allowing you to know the truth.” She met his stare and held there even though it was hard. “When you told me about your past, about your father and your mother, it meant so much to me, Graham. Even though I was little jealous of…of myself.”

  He smiled slightly, though she could see his pain at the reminder of what he’d told her the night before. “It meant a great deal to me, Adelaide, to trust you enough to tell you my past. I’m glad it was you, not just Lydia, who knows it. And it means a great deal to hear your own. I understand only a few people must know of your subterfuge.”

  She shook her head. “No one but Rebecca,” she confessed. “And my driver, too.”

  His brow wrinkled. “Not Emma?”

  “No,” she admitted. “I’ve wanted to tell her so many times, but before she was married I didn’t want to get her in trouble if the truth came out. You know her, she cannot lie—it isn’t in her nature.”

  Graham nodded. “I can see that. But what about Melinda and the others at the theatre?”

  Adelaide laughed. “If they knew I was a lady, the daughter of an Earl, they would never allow me to work there. The ramifications would be too great, my aunt would make sure of it. Not to mention that there are some there who might try to use that knowledge against me. Blackmail me.”

  “So you are the only soul in the world that knows my secret, beyond a few servants,” he said.

  “And you are the only one who knows mine,” she finished with a soft smile for him. One he returned instantly.

  “And when would you have told me if I hadn’t uncovered the truth tonight?” he whispered.

  She caught her breath. This was something he hadn’t fully thought through yet. She wasn’t exactly ready to help him do so, but she couldn’t lie to him. She didn’t want to.

  “I was waiting for…for…” She blushed and he leaned forward.

  “It cannot be worse than anything you’ve already said,” he reassured her.

  She shifted, suddenly feeling her nakedness keenly. Clenching her fingers in her lap, she took a deep breath and said, “The last time you were with Lydia, you weren’t…careful, Graham.”

  He stared at her a moment, then his eyes went wide, as if he were remembering the last time he’d made love to her before he knew the truth. “Oh God, I was so upset, so distracted that I…I came inside of you.”

  How she hated the horror in his voice. “For a woman like Lydia, it might not end the world to have an illegitimate child. But I’m not Lydia, not truly. I wanted to come to you after I could safely say there was no baby. I didn’t want my telling you the truth to force you into…into some kind of honorable
response.”

  His jaw tightened. “You mean you didn’t want me to be forced into marriage with you.”

  She nodded. “I’d never do that, Graham. The fact was, I was ruined before you touched me. As long as there is no baby—which, based on the timeline, there likely won’t be—there is no reason for you to throw yourself away on me.”

  He stared at her, his brow wrinkled. “You think that’s what I would see it as?”

  “I don’t know,” she said softly. “But I know after what you’ve just been through with Meg and Simon, with your past with your parents, the last thing you should have to do is be forced into a life with someone. I’d never do that to you.”

  He shook his head. “I would never accuse you of doing so.”

  He pushed to his feet as he said the words, and she watched as a wall came down between them. One she hadn’t expected after their connection and their honesty. One that stung her far more than it should have, given her lies, given his kindness about those lies.

  “I should go,” he said, finding his trousers in the mess of clothing on the floor. “Before we’re found.”

  She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. Past the disappointment she hadn’t earned. Graham had never made promises to Lydia. And even if he said he wanted her as Adelaide, he’d never acted on those impulses until the truth was out.

  He owed her nothing. She would ask for nothing.

  She pulled her chemise from her dress and tugged it over her head. “I understand.”

  He was buttoning his shirt as she spoke and turned on her with a strange expression. “I’m not entirely certain that you do,” he said. “Emma says you’ll be here tomorrow.”

  She nodded. “She is trying to keep me here as long as my aunt will allow.”

  “Why?” he asked, once more his body and face on edge.

  She hesitated, not wanting to cause him to think on the horrible past. “She likes having me here,” she lied.

  He seemed to ponder the answer a moment, but he didn’t challenge it. “Well, I’ll return tomorrow. We can discuss all this in more detail then, Adelaide. When neither of us is so…distracted.”

  She nodded, knowing he was right. Recognizing that some distance was what they both needed. He leaned in and kissed her gently, his mouth probing hers until she opened to him and relaxed against him with a shuddering sigh.

  He pulled away, his gaze unfocused and filled with the desire she had come to know so well. Then he shook his head. “Good night, Adelaide.”

  “Good night,” she said, watching him go. Then she sagged against the settee.

  When she’d pictured telling Graham the truth, she had never allowed herself to hope that he wouldn’t hate her. That it wouldn’t destroy all the bonds they had built between them. But he’d been wonderful and understanding and everything she had ever wanted.

  And even so, she was left unsatisfied, because he had left with so much between them unsaid. And she was left with growing feelings in her heart that could only leave her disappointed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  If Graham had left Adelaide’s side the night before with confusion and emotion clouding his judgment, he returned to Emma and James’s house late the next morning with even more of the same. He’d spent an entirely sleepless night thinking of her. Of what she’d told him. Of the fact that she demanded nothing from him.

  And yet she inspired him to think of terrifying things. Futures he’d told himself he’d never have. A life he perhaps didn’t deserve and that might only end in heartbreak. For her. For him.

  The door to the parlor opened and he turned, expecting to see Adelaide and his hosts. Instead, it was only Emma who entered the chamber, her pretty face lit by a welcoming smile. He couldn’t help but return it, for his friend’s wife was nothing but kind and genuine.

  “Graham, I’m so happy to see you again,” she said, motioning him back to his seat as she took her own. “The others will join us shortly. James had an unexpected visitor who insisted on being seen, so he sent me ahead to chat with you when Grimble said you were here. Adelaide slept a bit late, she is just finishing readying herself but will join us soon.”

  Graham swallowed. If Adelaide had slept late, that was likely his fault. After all, he had been the one to keep her up into the wee hours of the morning with passion and secrets.

  “I’m sure the two of us will find much to talk about,” he said, finding some semblance of politeness even when his mind was spinning.

  Emma nodded, but her dark gaze was very focused on him. Like she was reading him. “James told me you once encouraged him to pursue me.”

  Graham was happy he had not been offered a drink as of yet, or he surely would have spit it across the room at her unexpected statement. He smoothed his hands over his waistcoat and nodded. “I did, Your Grace.”

  “I’m forever grateful for that,” she said, leaning forward. “And so very grateful to see you begin to return to the circle of friends who love you dearly. It means so much to my husband. I do wonder, though…”

  She trailed off, and Graham set his jaw. She was direct, but also hedging, questioning herself. “What do you wonder?”

  “Adelaide is my friend,” she said, her tone still firm despite its softness. “My best friend in the world, one who has seen me through a great deal. I would not wish to see her hurt.”

  “James spoke to you?” Graham eased out carefully, uncertain whether to be offended or understanding of his friend’s loose lips when it came to his bride.

  Emma lifted both eyebrows slightly. “No, he didn’t. I’m speaking from my own observations, Graham. My own understanding of the situation between you.”

  He nodded slowly. “Do you think I’m not good enough for her?”

  She laughed. “You are one of the most sought-after men in Society. And what matters more is that I know you are a good and decent man. It has nothing to do with your value. Just how much you would value her. If you don’t have intentions for a future for Adelaide, I hope you’ll consider backing away. Else she’ll be hurt and I would hate for that to happen.”

  “You are a good friend to her,” Graham said softly.

  “Well, you would know about being a good friend,” she replied. “You have always been the best of friends to those you love. And I know you understand where my heart is, for you’ve been protective of those you care for, as well.”

  He ducked his head. “I do understand, Emma.”

  She smiled at his use of her given name, at the understanding it represented. Then she shook her head. “Gracious, I wasn’t thinking. Would you like tea?”

  She rushed to her feet to pour it, and at that moment the door opened and Adelaide stepped inside. Graham might have answered Emma’s question, but he was so taken aback by what he saw that he couldn’t.

  The woman at the door was not Lydia. But neither was she clothed in her usual costume as Adelaide. She wore a pretty gown, one that didn’t contain her clothing’s usual high-necked fashion. She didn’t wear her spectacles and her hair was done in a looser style, one that framed her face and made her beauty shine through.

  She was truly Adelaide now. The woman between her two roles. The woman who had captured him and confused him and made him feel safe enough to confess the darkest parts of himself. And he couldn’t stop staring at her in wonder as she blushed prettily and stepped into the room.

  Emma followed his gaze, and she, too, caught her breath at Adelaide’s appearance. She moved to her. “You are lovely,” she said, taking her hand as they stepped toward Graham.

  He nodded. “Lovely,” he repeated.

  Adelaide’s cheeks were flaming now, and she ducked her head. “You two will swell my head. It’s all Emma’s gown, you know. Thank you again for the loan of it.”

  Emma snorted. “You are welcome, but I assure you, a silly dress is not the cause of your beauty.”

  Graham smiled in her direction, both for her kindness in the loan and for her compliments of her friend.
Adelaide deserved no less.

  “Good morning, Graham,” Adelaide squeaked out.

  His smile broadened. “Good morning yourself, Adelaide.”

  They stood together for a long moment that seemed to stretch for an eternity. Then Graham cleared his throat. “Emma, I wonder if I might have a moment alone with Adelaide?”

  Emma’s lips parted slightly, and she looked at her friend. Graham was happy when Adelaide gave a slight nod, indicating she wanted the same thing he did. Still, Emma shifted her weight.

  “Er, I…I really shouldn’t leave you unchaperoned,” she murmured, glancing from the couple to the door and back again.

  Graham arched a brow at her. “But you will. Because you are a good woman.”

  Emma shot him a look and then nodded. “Very well. I should check on James and his guest, at any rate. See if he needs saving. But I’m leaving the door open a crack, you two. And I will be back very shortly.”

  “Yes, Mother,” Adelaide teased as Emma slipped from the room.

  The moment she had gone, Graham reached for Adelaide and she stepped into his arms, tilting her face toward his with a shuddering sigh that seemed to sink into his very soul. His mouth covered hers and she opened to him, her body molding against his as he kissed her as thoroughly as he could without coming undone and losing control with her.

  As much as he wanted to, it was clear they had no time. When they’d stood in each other’s arms for what felt like forever, she broke the kiss and stepped back, her cheeks still flaming like an innocent.

  “That is a good way to start a morning,” Adelaide said with a nervous smile.

  “I agree,” he said, taking her hand and leading her to the settee where they sat far too close together. He brushed an errant curl away from her forehead and smiled. “I like this look on you, Adelaide.”

  She bent her head. “Rebecca was more than happy to help me abandon my severe hair.”

  “I never asked you, can you see without your spectacles?”